OM has provided me such a sense of internal safety that I can now receive touch from the opposite sex as nourishing instead of something scary.
About 11 or 12 years ago, there was a period when I had no sex, no dating, no kissing, no relationships with men at all. I would watch pornography and masturbate, and that was pretty much the extent of my sex life. I felt horrible after I did it, and I felt a lot of shame around my desire for sex.
I hated my body, I didn’t find myself attractive at all, and I had a lot of shame around my genitals. I didn’t know the language of men and I certainly didn’t trust men in my relationships. When I did have a boyfriend and we had sex, I would always feel unsatisfied and really dirty afterwards. I didn’t know how to make it a pleasurable experience. I felt like I was locked in a war with my body and my sexuality.
I found out about Orgasmic Meditation when a story on Facebook caught my attention. It was about a man expressing his own personal desires in his relationship. At the bottom of the story it said “orgasm” and I didn’t understand why. When I told my mentor about it, she told me about the practice of Orgasmic Meditation. She suggested I look it up.
I did, and I read stories of people who had been impacted by the practice of OM. Reading their stories touched something in me and I started crying. The people’s shares had such freedom around sexuality and desire. There was also something about the idea that there could be a connection that involves a woman’s genitals without being shameful. That felt so freeing to me.
In my first OM, I remember being super excited and thinking I was going to experience this ultimate pleasure, but I didn’t feel a lot of sensation at first. I was in my head a lot. I had a coach who taught me about making adjustments, and that was helpful. I started to feel more. All of a sudden, I found a new connection to my body and I was really surprised. I asked for a lot lighter pressure, a lighter stroke, because there was so much intensity in that climax.
The whole experience felt like a rollercoaster ride, from the beginning and finding a partner to the end and sharing a frame. I felt amazingly refreshed after the OM.
The container was the biggest thing for me. Knowing that there was a structure—
a way in which everybody does this practice the same every time—
helped me to relax and feel safe, open up, and be willing to grow my connections with people. I knew we were coming from the same place and we all understood that this is a practice. The agreement we both have to honor the container is what allows us to have trust. This has allowed me to see I can trust men as long as we start out with a common agreement and we talk about things up front.
I took the idea of a container into my life, which allowed me to open up in relationships, with my sexuality, with my voice. In one example, I asked a guy I found very attractive to spend some time with me. I knew I just wanted to lie down with him for 10 minutes and ask for some specific things. I set an amount of time that we would spend together. When we got together, I knew I didn’t have to have sex with him. I could listen to my body and see exactly what it wanted. I felt sexual desire arising in my body. Through OM, I had learned to make a request and that the person could say yes or no. So I asked for specifically what I wanted and I didn’t have to ask for any more. I realized I have a voice. I could share with him how I’d like it to go and he could agree or not.
Once the timer went off, I felt complete and full. It was great, and we’re still friends. We have a relationship built on truth, honesty and trust because he agreed to meet me at every request and I could trust that he would follow what I was asking for.
This practice has changed my life. It’s transformed the way I see myself and the way I see men. OM has provided me such a sense of internal safety that I can now receive touch from the opposite sex as nourishing instead of something scary.
Shareeah lives in Nashville, Tennessee, and recently left her career as a teacher.