I used to feel completely at sea around sex and intimacy. Now, I have more and more access to all of my feelings, and my joy, spontaneity and playfulness. I feel like I have all parts of myself back.
My name is Leah and I OM. I had no idea what it was about, but I was a meditator so I understood meditation and that it was a practice. You couldn’t do it wrong and it was something that you go back to over and over again. Orgasm I knew nothing about and felt really wrong inside of and like I could never do it right. And so I was like Orgasmic Meditation? I just knew.
When I was 12 years old – I was in 8th grade – my father died over about a 2-year process from cancer. I was already not on great terms with the world because the world was, you know, not my fantasy world. It was the real world. I didn’t feel comfortable in the real world. Then, this happened, and it was just so much grief and so painful that it was almost too much pain to feel.
OMing was like a safe place where I could learn how to feel again, stroke by stroke in a 15-minute session. For 15 minutes, I could have my clitoris stroked and feel that most sensitive part of my body, where I had very little attention on from myself or from men or from anyone. OMing also has given me more focus, so I’m able to get things done in my life more. My focus was kind of spread everywhere and diffuse, but now I can actually make things happen.
In sex, previous to OM, I would be in an intimate experience and I would want something but I wouldn’t know exactly what I wanted. So I would kind of just go along with what he wanted. I would do it, but it wouldn’t feel good to me, and then I’d leave the situation feeling more disconnected from him.
There was a moment where I was OMing – it was my first ever OM – where he looked back at me, and it was like I saw him. It was like I saw through all the veils. I’d known him for maybe three years, and in a single moment, it was like I actually saw who he was. All of the resentment and feelings about who he was were gone, and I actually just saw him. At that exact same moment, I felt him see me. It was the most potent experience of intimacy that I had ever had in my life. Whatever that moment was, I want to have that in my life every day. Over time, the benefits of OM spread to my day to day life. Even after OMs that I didn’t feel much in, I would find myself feeling so alive, so magnetic and connected to the joy that I always knew was in here. Over time – I’m now 8 years into OMing – I have more and more access to all of my feelings and also my joy and my spontaneity and my impulse and my playfulness. I feel like I have all parts of myself back.
Leah is a 30-year old life coach living in Los Angeles